In a lot of ways, I feel like I've regressed from high school. Sure, now I know how to interview for a job, how to code in php, and maybe how to cook some simple meals. I've gotten older, more jaded, have a more "realistic" view of the world, and all that. But i've lost my love for shakespeare, the ability to play a violin, and do math (seriously ... I can't do ANY math now). I've lost my drive to work hard on my homework, my passions for competitive speech, and so much of my former energy and optimism. Gone are my ambitions to go to law school or to become a senator, to change the environment around me or help those in need.
What happened? Two years ago, I was conned by a man seeming to need help out of $20. Last year, someone asked for bus fare and proceeded to not get on the bus once it came. I learned that panhandlers make enough money to support themselves. There goes the whole charity thing. I've experienced standing on a train for an hour because I yielded my seat to someone; I've learned not to make eye contact with people you don't want to interact with. I've learned not to trust people unnecessarily, that most of the world is still pretty racist, and that most people are as unwilling to open themselves up as you are--which makes them borderline impossible to change.
I've learned about the reality of organizational politics, that in general people don't volunteer their ideas, and need to be specifically directed. I've learned that there are reasons why things are the way they are.
Where does that leave me? All it seems I can do now is enjoy myself as much as possible--i'm trying--and leave college with good memories. As we all grow up, though, it's sometimes difficult for me to measure what I gain, from what I've lost.
Here's to childhood, high school, and your college years. To the unknown, I guess there is a wife and kids to look forward to. To the distant future, there is aging gracefully, a full family (with any luck), and some positive impact on the world. Will I ever get to recover the optimism, energy, activism, and trust of my youth? I hope for a society where this is so--where we can all tap into our inner child.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html?hpid=topnews
